


A Crying Titan

by twistedwerewulf



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 20:56:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10772271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedwerewulf/pseuds/twistedwerewulf
Summary: Ymir reflects on what she and Historia might have had.





	1. Chapter 1

Ymir had never cried before. Well she probably had, but never like this. When you’re a kid you cry because you fell and scraped your elbow. You cry because you get pushed off a wall and turn into a titan for seventy some years, but she had never cried because of someone before. For once since being with Reiner she found herself alone, which wasn’t entirely bad. But, she still ended up crying. In a situation like this she had a lot of time to think and she mostly thought about Historia.

When she first heard about her in that church she never expected to fall in love with her. She just wanted to see what all the fuss was about maybe be pardoned for all her crimes, but it was inevitable she joined the military and she met a girl. 

It wasn’t like things would ever be even slightly normal for Ymir anymore. She was sure she would die soon, for one, and she would probably never see Historia again, for second. She thought about that a lot too. If she weren’t a titan could things have worked for them? Could they have been normal, and, dare she say it, domestic? Happy? Probably not in this world, but it was a nice enough thought.

If she closed her eyes and thought hard she could almost feel the warmth of Histora’s body next to hers. Back in their training days Ymir had seen right through the ‘Krista’ persona, but still swore to love the girl behind the facade. She kept that promise at least. 

At that moment Reiner walked in with a plate of food and a cup of water for Ymir.

“Here’s your breakf-… Are you crying?” The boy asked confused.

Ymir hastily wiped away the tears with the back of her hand, “Yeah, I woke up and remembered your ugly face is the only one I get to see.”

“… I see.” Reiner said handing her the food and drink. “Do you miss her?”

Ymir paused as she ate and shook her head. “I have no clue what you’re talking about bonehead.”

“Historia. Do you miss her?”

Ymir laughed exaggerating as she usually did to hide pain. “What makes you think that? And even if I did miss her why would I want to talk to you about it?”

“People like us don’t just cry for no reason Ymir.”

The girl scoffed, “What do you mean people like us? Titans?”

Reiner pulled a chair in front of Ymir and sat down, “No. Protectors. Soldiers.”

“Well I’m neither of those things.”

“Yes you are. You protected Historia even though she lied to all of us about who she was. You may not be a soldier, I admit, but you protect her. Even if you were being selfish about it. You care about her.”

“And what does it matter to you? It shouldn’t even matter to me anymore. I’ll never see her again. Look at where caring got me. A cramped room with no one but an underdeveloped titan for a companion.”

Reiner gritted his teeth and leaned forward, “Could you get rid of that bad attitude for a minute? I’m trying to talk to you.”

“Now you’re trying to talk to me?” Ymir snapped looking up at Reiner with a snarl. “You didn’t try to talk to me before you ripped me away from the only person I cared about. Or is it some kind of power trip for you? Seeing me alone like this?”

“Ymir, you can’t tell me you aren’t going crazy like this. I hear you talk in your sleep. It’s better to talk when you’re conscious. Even to me.”

Ymir’s eyes scanned over his face, “You talk in your sleep too you know. I have a feeling that neither of us have exactly pleasant nights. Sometimes it’s just the nightmares.” 

She paused and shook her head lightly. “I’m done.” She handed him the plate of half eaten food and untouched cup of water. “Now leave. Or stand guard. Whatever you do. I don’t particularly care.”

Reiner took the plate, but left the cup, “We aren’t as different as you think you know. We both hold these things inside until we can’t take it anymore. I’m trying to help you.”  
“You can help me by leaving.”

Reiner shrugged and shook his head. “Fine.”


	2. Chapter 2

Ymir watched Reiner as he left waiting a few moments before turning her attention to the wall she had been staring at for days now, maybe weeks, she had no idea anymore. All she knew is that she memorized every crack and bump in that wall because of the lack of something better to do. She extended her hand and rested her fingers lightly on the wall. It was rough. She wondered if she and Historia would have ever been able to marry if this wasn’t their situation. Would Historia have even wanted to marry her after everything that had happened? Who would even want to come? No one probably. Ymir knew that she wasn’t well liked among her fellow soldiers, and for once she cared, if only for Historia’s sake.

Weddings and marriage had never been a big deal in this world. Even before she was turned into a titan they were only small celebrations with close family and friends. She had only witnessed one wedding after leaving her titan form. It was nice. A man and a woman as dressed up as they could be standing before a priest. A small number of people there, adults and children a like, obviously wearing their best clothes. For a moment they all seemed happy in the vast despair of the outside world. In that church they had their own world where everything was perfect, even for a few minutes. That’s what she supposed she always wanted with Historia.

But, Historia was a queen now. Even if she did come back would Historia even want to be with her? After the abandonment. After all of it. Ymir could never see Historia accepting her so quickly back into her life. To make matters worse Ymir thought of all the people now begging for the queen’s hand. It made her furious. 

Ymir took her hand away from the wall and rested it limply on the bed. She would want Connie at their wedding if they were to ever have one. As much as she teased him she did care about him. He wasn’t like most of the other soldiers. He was like Sasha, Ymir would want her there too. They were often comforting to be around. They reminded her of simplicity and they were dumb, but brave. But, she couldn’t think of anyone else who she would want there. Nobody else seemed to want anything to do with her even before all of this had happened.

Only Krista… No, only Historia. Historia had been the only one who was genuinely kind to her those years they trained. With the exception of Marco, but he was just a sweet boy. Everyone else tended to ignore her unless she was insulting them. But, she never really minded that as long as she had Historia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have to wait a while for the depressing conclusion. Sorry, but for now enjoy this angst!


End file.
